The Feminine Urge to Live Softly, but Powerfully

When I was in the Army what feels like many years ago, someone once told me that the good thing about me was that, despite everything I'd been through, I never let it soften me and I never let it harden me. The truth is though, I have always been soft and, I think, I always will be.

I've always been sensitive - chalk it up to trauma or temperment, it doesn't matter. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve. I cry when I'm sad, I sometimes lash out when I'm frustrated, and I show love in a way that is hopeless and messy and sloppy. My heart is soft, ready to be written on by the dark black ink of life that leaves behind indelible meanings like words on a page.

I tried to hide my softness for sometime. I tried to cover it up with camo and a brave face - excusing myself to some quiet corner of the public eye to let my mascara run down my face before pulling myself back together and slapping on a smile or scowl.

However, as I enter this season of my life, I'm tired of hiding the softness within - the softness that makes me who I am. I want to feel everything like cold rain drops on my skin and stormy winds in my hair. I want to feel every emotion - the overwhelming joy, the exhausting frustration, the random saddness. I want to get lost in my softness.

At some point, softness became percieved as weakness, but perhaps softness is a great strength. We live in a world that tells us to think less, feel less, turn away from emotion and feeling. Be numb, go along with it all while remaining outwardly stoic. But, what if we decided to feel? To let the emotion in? To turn away from the numbness we're told is equivalent to strength?

Today, I will simply let myself be who I am. Today, I will let my emotions in. Today, I will live softly, but powerfully.